I was standing around chatting after church and a friend asked me, “how are you doing?”

“I took a big deep breathe and sighed as I said, “busy”.

She said , “yeah, but when are you not?”

She didn’t mean for it to hurt me. I mean, it was a true statement. I was ALWAYS busy. But that comment kicked me straight in the gut. And clearly has made such an impact that I still remember it.

I was always doing more. Saying yes to more things. Staying up into the wee hours of the morning every day just to fit it all in. The things is… nothing I was doing was bad.

This was me… fooling everyone and myself that being busy was the answer.

On the outside I looked like the super woman who had everything together. I was working a part time job in a Kindergarten classroom. I was working another part time job as the director of a Christian summer camp. I was running an online shop. We were renovating our house (we still are… it never ends).

What people couldn’t see was that I was clinging desperately to friendships that I so needed but rarely had time for. My husband and I hardly spent time together and we were mainly on a diet of frozen pizza and… frozen pizza. My house was a disaster. Laundry was piled up, dishes were stacked.

I was a spinning tornado of busyness and I wasn’t putting quality into any of my tasks. I didn’t have time! I was going at full speed and doing a whole bunch of mediocre work.

*Deep breathe* that stressed me out by just writing it all down.

I remember the feeling of being frantic. Of desperately wishing there were more hours in the day. I remember the feeling of being so run down and defeated because I was so busy trying to define my worth by doing more and I couldn’t get enough to fill my cup.

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All those lies that played in my head over and over. Can you relate?

A few years ago in the fall it all just came to a screeching halt. I had run myself down so much that my body just physically wouldn’t move. It took everything I had to go to work everyday and when I came home I would just fall in a heap on my bed and sleep for hours. I literally had no energy left.

So, I quit all the things (except for my job in the Kindergarten class). But I said no to a lot of things, even things that were good in nature, and began to protect my time. I was basically doing nothing for the first time in a long time and was forced to sit with my thoughts and my heart that needed healing.

I soon began to put all the pieces together and realized my need for more had run me into the ground. My search for self worth in the busyness had finally been revealed for the sham that it was.

This excerpt from Ephesians comes to mind:

“Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it. 11 Don’t waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. 12 It’s a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. 13 Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ. 14 Wake up from your sleep, Climb out of your coffins; Christ will show you the light! 15 So watch your step. Use your head. 16 Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times!”

— Ephesians 5: 10-16 (MSG)

P.s. This Ephesians 5:11 lock screen is available in my Shop

“My worth is in Christ.
My happiness and joy is in Christ.”

God doesn’t care about my degree or my intelligence level or how much I’m doing. He cares about how well I’m loving others. He cares about what I’m doing to bring glory to His name. He cares about my obedience to His word.

None of those things have anything to do with doing more or being busy.

I specifically remember taking this picture (September 25, 2017) because I recognized that I finally felt content with myself and who I was in the eyes of my God and I wasn’t even the slightest bit busy.

If you’re struggling with the pressure of doing MORE I urge you to check your heart and ask yourself why.

Sometimes our seasons are just plain busy. I’m in one right now. It’s okay.

But if we are adding more to our plate just to look good for other people and feel better about ourselves, it’s time for a change. Often we don’t notice we are doing it until we have run out of tracks and are about to go straight off the edge of a cliff.

“Busy” shouldn’t be our answer to, “how are you?”. If it is (and mine was) then some serious work needs to be done so that you actually know who you are, who you belong to and how you’re actually doing.

Once we realize that our worth and happiness is not dependent on our ability to do more or be more “successful” or be more involved…we can find rest for our weary souls. .

We can know that in the moment of being curled up in our favorite chair reading a devotional during nap-time, or whatever moment of quiet we receive, we can find our worth, our happiness and the joy to get us through (even if it’s just enough to get us through to the next nap time).

Our worth and our identity go hand in hand. If you’re struggling to even remember who you are… Are you a dishwasher? A laundromat manager? Are you even human? My previous post about finding your identity in motherhood ties in so well with this one. I hope you read both and that they can speak truth to the lies that try to define you by the world’s standards.

take me to that post